>>



>>

august 2013


Sommerfest med Nettavisen

Jepp, jeg har det gøy. :p

"Aaron" vil ha norsk kjæreste...

...sånn at han kan flytte til Norge og få seg en skikkelig jobb, og ikke trenger å svindle folk lenger. Any takers?

Få også med deg  "-Jeg jobber ikke i Microsoft. Det er svindel, jeg vet det." og

"Hvordan få telefonscammeren til å legge på først"

 

Skulle gjerne lagt meg...

...men senga mi er opptatt. :p

Hva koster tannlege der du bor?

 

Å gå til tannlegen er dyrt. Generelt. Og her jeg bor er det svindyrt. Ikke har vi veldig mange å velge i heller... vi har én. Vi kan selvfølgelig forsøke å bestille time i Bodø, men det er sjelden de tar inn nye paienter der, det er alltid fullt... og uansett koster det 650,- bare å ta båten til og fra byen.

Nettavisen har en artikkel om tannlegepriser i dag

På websiden de linker til finner jeg dette:

Her i Steigen er prisen:

 

Så sjekket jeg pris på rotfylling av en jeksel:

Det er dyrt ja...

Og i lille Steigen koster det:



Mye billigere å bare trekke:

 

Og i Steigen er det faktisk "billig" å bli kvitt en tann...



*sukk*

 

#tannlege #priser #nettavisen #økonomi #helse

Marsipangrisene blir svindyre i år!

 

Det er i hvert fall overveiende sannsynlig at prisen på mandler vil gå i taket i år.

Hvorfor? Fordi det ikke lenger er nok honningbier igjen.




Det Europeiske markedet forsynes hovedsaklig av mandler fra Spania og Italia, men de siste årene har etterspørselen økt, og mandler fra California har etter hvert fått en større markedsandel.



Mandeltrær er avhengige av å bli pollinert (befruktet) hvert år, og denne jobben er det helt vanlige honningbier som tar seg av. I USA skjer dette ved at bifarmere i februar setter kubene sine på lastebiler og kjører fra gård til gård.

Mandler er big landbruksbusiness i USA, på tredjeplass etter marihuana og druer. Det trengs altså enorme mengder bier hvert år.

Men, siden 1950 da man begynte å "telle" bier, og til i dag har antallet ville bier i Europa falt med 30%, og antallet "tamme" bier i USA falt med 60%. Dette skyldes at store mengder bier dør, plutselig, og tilsynelatende uten grunn. Fenomenet kalles Colony Collapse Disorder (CCD).

De bifarmerne som enda ikke har gitt opp har så langt klart å opprettholde koloniene sine ved å hele tiden oppdrette nye bier, og gi dem spesialfor, men dette har selvfølgelig ført til økte driftskostnader. I 2010 hadde allerede prisen på pollinering økt med over 70%, og i vinter døde nesten halvparten av alle honningbier i USA. Det var ikke nok bier igjen til å dekke etterspørselen, og desperate mandelbønder måtte fly inn bier fra Australia... det er heller ikke billig.

Bier dør altså i Europa også. EU har innført forbud mot flere typer sprøytemidler (selv om det ikke er bevist at disse er årsaken til massedøden), og i USA har de begynt å helle til at problemet skyldes en sopp.

Problemet er selvfølgelig mye større enn at prisen på mandler vil gå opp. Hele 35% av maten vi spiser er et resultat av insektpollinering...

 

Les også Aftenposten (2010) om blomster og bier her

 

Det finnes selvpollinerende varianter av mandeltrær, men mandlene på disse er mindre og ikke så søte, og det forskes nå på utvikling av flere typer.

ENDELIG er vi ferdige med boden!

Fra dette:

Til dette:

Woohoo! :D

Vil du ha en kul toppmeny?




Som den jeg har altså... for den er skikkelig neat, syns jeg i hvertfall. :D

Det er veldig enkelt... egentlig, men kan kanskje virke litt komplisert om du ikke har tilbragt  litt tid inne i html-malene før.

 

Denne oppskriften gir deg en svart meny lik min - men uten "anbefalte innlegg" og "Youtube"-knappene.
Se den i bruk her: http://methinks.blogg.no/

 

Først kopierer du dette og limer det inn nederst i css.
("Design" >> "Rediger" >> "Stilsett")

#wrapper {margin-top:10px;}
/*
TOPMENU
*/
.menu,
.menu ul,
.menu li,
.menu a {
margin: 0;
padding: 0;
border: none;
outline: none;
}
.widemenu {
width:auto;margin: 0;
padding: 0;
border: none;
outline: none;
background-color:#000; /* Denne setter fargen på menyen */
background-image: url('http://design.bloggfiler.no/gyldenskau/standard/toppmenu/media/shine.png'); background-repeat: repeat-x;
box-shadow: 5px 5px 5px #888; /* Denne setter fargen på skyggen */
border-radius:10px;
z-index:99999;
}
.menu {
height: 46px;
width: 100%;
display:block;
border-radius:10px;
}
ul.menu {
width:750px; /* Om du legger til flere knapper må du øke tallet her til f.eks. 950*/
height:46px;
margin-left:auto;
margin-right:auto;
}
.menu li {
position: relative;
list-style: none;
float: left;
display: block;
height: 46px;
}
.menu li a {
display: block;
padding: 0 15px;
margin: 0;
line-height: 46px;
text-decoration: none;
border-left: 1px solid #666; /* Denne setter farge på den ene streken mellom knappene */
border-right: 1px solid #888; /* Denne setter farge på den andre streken mellom knappene */
font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif;
font-weight: bold;
font-size: 13px;
color: #f3f3f3; /*denne setter tekstfargen på knappene */
text-shadow: 1px 1px 1px rgba(0,0,0,.6);
-webkit-transition: color .2s ease-in-out;
-moz-transition: color .2s ease-in-out;
-o-transition: color .2s ease-in-out;
-ms-transition: color .2s ease-in-out;
transition: color .2s ease-in-out;
}
.menu li a img {
margin-top:6px;
}
.menu li a:hover {
background-color:#444; /* Denne setter bakgrunnsfaren ved mouseover */
}
.menu li:first-child a { border-left: none; }
.menu li:last-child a{ border-right: none; }
.menu li:hover > a { color: #fff; } /* Denne setter tekstfargen på mouseover */
/*
SUBMENU
*/
.menu ul {
position: absolute;
top: 46px;
left: 0;
opacity: 0;
background: #222; /* Denne setter bakgrunnsfargen på undermenyen */
-webkit-border-radius: 0 0 5px 5px;
-moz-border-radius: 0 0 5px 5px;
border-radius: 0 0 5px 5px;
-webkit-transition: opacity .25s ease .1s;
-moz-transition: opacity .25s ease .1s;
-o-transition: opacity .25s ease .1s;
-ms-transition: opacity .25s ease .1s;
transition: opacity .25s ease .1s;
z-index:9999;
}
.menu li:hover > ul { opacity: 1; }
.menu ul li {
height: 0;
overflow: hidden;
padding: 0;
-webkit-transition: height .25s ease .1s;
-moz-transition: height .25s ease .1s;
-o-transition: height .25s ease .1s;
-ms-transition: height .25s ease .1s;
transition: height .25s ease .1s;
}
.menu li:hover > ul li {
height: 46px;
overflow: hidden;
padding: 0;
}
.menu ul li a {
width: 300px;
/*padding: 4px 10px 4px 10px;*/
margin: 0;
border: none;
border-bottom: 1px solid #353539;
text-align:left;
}
.menu ul li:last-child a { border: none; }

 

Html-koden...
Jeg pleier å legge denne i en modul, men du velger selv om du vil legge den rett i html-malene eller i en modul.
Den skal ligge mellom headeren og wrapperen. I de fleste tilfeller blir det mellom:
<p>${BlogDescription}</p>
</div>
HER
<div id="wrapper" class="yui-gc">


Her er html-koden til selve menyen:

<div class="widemenu">
<ul class="menu">
<li><a href="http://blogg.no/"><img src="http://design.bloggfiler.no/gyldenskau/standard/toppmenu/media/bloggno.png"> </a></li>
<li><a href="${BlogUrl}"><img src="http://design.bloggfiler.no/gyldenskau/standard/toppmenu/media/home.png"> </a></li>
<li><a href="#">Siste innlegg</a>
<ul>
<tag:recentlist limit="10">
<li>
<a href="${EntryPermaLink}">${EntryTitle}</a>
</li>
</tag:recentlist>
</ul>
</li>
<li><a href="#">Arkiv</a>
<ul>
<tag:archivelist limit="12">
<li>
<a href="${ArchiveLink}">${ArchiveName}</a>
</li>
</tag:archivelist>
</ul>
</li>
<li><a href="#">Kategorier</a>
<ul>
<tag:categorylist>
<li>
<a href="${CategoryLink}">${CategoryName}</a>
</li>
</tag:categorylist>
</ul>
</li>
<li><a href="#">Linker</a>
<ul>
<tag:linklist>
<li>
<a href="${LinkURL}">${LinkName}</a>
</li>
</tag:linklist>
</ul>
</li>
<li><a href="#">Følg meg</a>
<ul>
<li>
<a href="${ProfileUrl}">Legg til på blogg.no</a>
</li>
</ul>
</li>
<li><a href="#"><img src="http://design.bloggfiler.no/gyldenskau/standard/toppmenu/media/2topp.png"> </a></li>
</ul>
</div>

 

Du kan legge inn flere knapper ved å legge inn flere
<li><a href="URL HER">Linktekst</a></li>
og gjøre en knapp til en undermeny ved å legge inn:
<li><a href="#">Tittel</a>
<ul>
<li><a href="URL HER">Linktekst</a></li>
<li><a href="URL HER">Linktekst</a></li>
</ul>
</li>

 Men husk at om du legger for mange knapper i menyen vil den brekke (de som er for mange vil bli dyttet ned på neste linje).

 

 

Vil du også at menyen skal låse seg øverst i vinduet når man scroller nedover får du oppskriften på det her:

Javascript:
(lim inn rett over </head> i alle malene)

<script>
jQuery("document").ready(function($){
var lockbar = $('.lockbar-box');
$(window).scroll(function () {
if ($(this).scrollTop() > 164) {
lockbar.addClass("fixed-lb");
} else {
lockbar.removeClass("fixed-lb");
}
});
});
</script>

 

CSS/stilsett
(lim inn nederst)

.lockbar-box{ background-image: url('http://design.bloggfiler.no/gyldenskau/design/toppmeny-shine.png'); background-repeat: repeat-x;}
.fixed-lb{ z-index: 99999; position: fixed; center: 0; top: 0; width: 102%; } /* låser menyen */
.lockbar {
height: 46px;
width: auto;
color: #fff;
padding-right: 4px;
text-shadow: 0px 1px 2px #696969;
}

 

Over menykoden i html-malen
(altså mellom headeren og menyen) legger du inn:

<div id="lockbar">
</div>

 

Og helt nederst i malen, rett under </html> limer du inn:

<div class="lockbar-box">
<div class="lockbar" style="margin-left:-1.7%;">
<tag:include module="topmenu" /></div></div>

NB! Om du brukte en modul til menykoden må du bytte ut min tag med din tag. Limte du hele menykoden rett inn i malen øverst må du gjøre det her også. I stedet for den røde koden.

 

Så kommer det vanskelige...
Å få menyen til å låse seg på riktig sted/tidspunkt når du scroller.

Dette avhenger av tallet i javascriptet (nederst i head), så du må bytte ut tallet i javascriptet med det tallet som passer til din header.

if ($(this).scrollTop() > 164) {

Jo høyere header, jo høyere tall.

 

#bloggno #designtips #design #html #howto #tutorial #bnnh

25 nye standarddesign

 

Ja, du leste riktig... blogg.no har lagt ut 25 nye standarddesign du kan velge i. I tillegg til de 8 vi hadde fra før.



Finner du noe du liker?

 

#bnnh

Anonyme kommentarer er ikke så anonyme likevel...

Har du lest artikkelen om ask.fm og 14 år gamle Hannah som tok sitt eget liv?

Les artikkelen her: Vil navngi mobberne på chatteside

 

Det finnes mange som kommenterer anonymt på blogg.no også.  De aller fleste er hyggelige, heldigvis, men det er desverre noen som har andre hensikter og tror de kan gjemme seg bak det å være "anonym".

Her er et eksempel på en kommentar som bryter med norsk lov:



Men visste du at du ikke er så veldig anonym likevel?
Når du kommenterer i en blogg på blogg.no kan den du har kommentert hos se IP-adressen din.

Den som mottar slike kommentarer kan ta IP-adressen og kommentaren med til politiet, og politiet kan be internettleverandøren om informasjon om hvem som brukte den IP-adressen i akkurat det tidsrommet.

 

Visste du at du kan få inntil 3 års fengsel for å fremsette en diskriminerende eller hatefull ytring?
strl §135a

Visste du at du kan få inntil 8 års fengsel for å foreslå at noen skal ta livet av seg?
strl §140

 

Nå vet du ihvertfall...

 

Gjett sitatet!



Du skal få et lite hint... det er en film (gammel) og en mini-series (ikke fullt så gammel), og sistnevnte gikk på NRK en gang i tiden.

"Run. Run like hell! Buy a bus ticket and disappear. Change your name, dye your hair, get lost! Then maybe you'll be safe from me."

 

.

Telefonsvindleren: -Jeg jobber ikke i Microsoft, det er svindel, jeg vet det

 

Min vennlige telefonsvindler (og kompisen hans - som også kaller seg Jerry Roger) har ringt igjen...
Denne gangen fikk jeg vite "kallenavnet" hans, som er Aaron.

Ca. 6 minutter ut i denne videoen innrømmer "Aaron" at han slett ikke jobber for Microsoft, og at samtalene derfra er en scam.

Beklager den shitty lydkvaliteten...

 

15 minutter etter at "Aaron" ringte kom det en ny samtale... fra "Alan".

Jeg venter fremdeles i spenning på å finne ut hvilken scam det er de forsøker seg på nå...  :p

 

Hør gårsdagens samtaler her

Les og hør tirsdagens samtaler her

 


Se også: "Hvordan få telefonscammeren til å legge på først"

De vennlige telefonsvindlerene-dag 2 (nytt opptak)

 

Yep... Jerry Roger har ringt igjen! Og Seth(?)! Bare at Seth(?) høres ut som han som kalte seg Jerry Roger i går... :D

 

Les om gårsdagens opplevelse her, og hør det første opptaket.

 

Jeg lurer virkelig på hva agendaen hans deres er! Håper de ringer igjen... og ikke legger på med én gang.



 

Gikk du glipp av "Hvordan få telefonscammeren til å legge på først"?

 

Har du blitt oppringt av disse svindlerne?

 

Regn ute = TV og film inne!

#tv #film #serier #onlinetv #viaplay #reklame #drittvær

Jeg digger TV-serien Bones!


Jeg har tidligere skrevet om Online-TV... her:

Hvordan unngå krangling om fjernkontrollen?

Og nå skal jeg skrive litt mer om det. :p

I sommer har det ikke blitt så mye TV-titting, men da jeg gikk på ferie for en uke siden følte jeg et ganske sterkt behov for å sjekke hva jeg hadde gått glipp av de siste par månedene. Det første jeg oppdaget var at jeg ikke lenger hadde abonnement på Viaplay. Logisk nok, siden det fulgte parabolabonnementet vi ikke lenger har.

Jeg kjente panikken tok meg litt, så nå har jeg selvfølgelig Viaplay igjen. :p



Siden jeg haaaater sport var valget enkelt. TV + film for 79,-/mnd kan jeg godt leve med.

 

Viaplay lar meg forresten bare logge inn fra 4 forskjellige enheter. Det er litt kinkig, siden vi har 9(!) PCer og 2 nettbrett her i huset. Alt er seff ikke i bruk på én gang, men det er litt plagsomt å måtte velge maskin etter hva man skal se på.

Anyways... det jeg skulle fram til før jeg avledet meg selv... den første ferieuka mi.
Hva tror du jeg gjorde?

Joda...

Jeg så sesong 8 av Bones enda en gang! Ja, HELE sesongen.

Deretter rotet jeg meg inn på Film og så "Modig" for første gang. Den var bedre enn jeg trodde. :D



Ungene bruker Viaplay Film mye (men har heldigvis ikke savnet det i ferien). De har TV på rommet, men ikke egen tuner, så de bare kobler en laptop til TV'n og streamer det de vil se.



Jeg er mer en serie-person...
I dag så jeg to episoder Dexters Laboratorium til frokosten. Ja, jeg ER 41 år.

Viaplay har et bredt utvalg serier, selv om de ikke har de absolutt nyeste episodene av ting. Veldig bredt. Så bredt at jeg enda ikke har klart å komme meg lenger ned på listen enn til bokstaven E før jeg (igjen) finner noe jeg bare MÅ se... der jobber jeg meg nå gjennom "Ekstreme samlere". :p



Det eneste jeg savner på seriesiden er en sortering på innkjøpte og egenproduserte evt. norske og utenlandske, og muligheten til å finne serier etter originaltittel. Det er ikke alltid like lett å huske hva et program heter på norsk.

Og i dag "fant" jeg en funksjon som jeg vet har vært der lenge, men som jeg ikke har tenkt noe over før...


Jeg kan "stjernemarkere" ting jeg vil se senere. Yay!

Btw... I dag regner det i Steigen... gjett hva jeg skal bruke denne feriedagen til!

 

.

SG-1 fanfic - "Friends help you move, real friends help you move bodies!"

 



Part One

The Gate-room, SGC

"Oh, now you've done it! I can't believe you just zatted Senator Kinsey!" Sam shouted.

Jack quickly hid the zat-gun behind his back, "Hey, I didn't mean to! How was I supposed to know he'd walk through the door just then... besides, he deserved it! And he probably won't know what hit him anyway."

Sam was kneeling next to the unconscious man lying on his back on the Gate-room floor, not very gently slapping his face. "Sir, can you hear me?"

There was no reply and she got up and pointed at her CO. "Well, playing around like that with a zat-gun is like begging for trouble! Geez, Jack. He'll have us deported to P4S-839, or some equally disgusting place, the minute he wakes up!"

"How about I just hit him again - twice?"

"Jack!"

"Alright, alright - but it WAS an accident!"

She shook her head. "Are you going to call the infirmary, or should I?"

He walked over to the phone on the wall, put the weapon in one of his numerous pockets and dialed the infirmary.

The man on the floor stirred and groaned, and Sam kneeled down beside him again. "Are you all right, Sir?"

"Major Carter? What the Hell just happened?" The senator rolled over and tried to sit up, but ended up flat on his stomach instead. "Ouch."

"I'm afraid you were ahem... um... hit by the electrical charge of one Goa'uld weapon called a zat'nik'tel, Sir. You should feel better in a few moments."

"Someone from the infirmary should be here any second now," Jack shot in.

Kinsey stared grimly at the colonel. "This was your doing, no doubt... It's exactly what I'd expect from you."

Jack took a step back and put his hands up in front of him, as to protect himself from the wrath of his victim. "It was an accident, Senator. I swear!"

The doors opened and Dr. Fraiser came through, followed by two men carrying a stretcher. She studied the scene in front of her for a couple of seconds before turning her attention to Kinsey, who finally managed to get up on his feet. Not very gracefully, but at least he was vertical. She raised one eyebrow, and for a second she reminded Jack of Teal'c. "What happened here, Colonel?"

 

---

 

Ten minutes later,
in Gen. Hammond's office

 

"You did what?!?" The general stood up so quickly his chair rolled back three feet before it hit the wall and bounced back.

"I kinda zatted Senator Kinsey... It WAS an accident!" Jack was standing in front of the general's desk, hoping that talking to his CO before Kinsey got to him would, at least to some degree, serve as damage control.

"You zatted Senator Kinsey..." Hammond echoed, then his eyes widened and he asked, terror in his voice, "...how many times?"

Jack cringed, "Oh, just once. He'll be just fine. He's in the infirmary now with Dr. Fraiser and Carter, no doubt planning my court-martial to the last detail."

"Then I suggest you get back there and do some serious groveling before he decides to send your ass to P4S-839" with no GDO. Or before I send you there myself."

"Yes, Sir." Jack grimaced and bolted for the door.

"Colonel..."

Jack stopped half way through the room. "Dang it!" he thought, "I almost made it." He turned around slowly.

"Yes, Sir...?"

"On second thought I'll come with you, Colonel. I have a few ideas I'd like to share with the senator."

 

 

---

 

Part two

The SGC infirmary

 

Dr. Fraiser had just explained, very patiently, for the n'th time, to the still stunned, and extremely noisy senator, that he would recover completely from the shock, and that she had never heard of anyone dying from a single blast. She was about ready to give him a mild sedative just to shut him up (or perhaps a not so mild laxative to get rid of him instead - ah, decisions, decisions...), when O'Neill and Hammond entered the room.

The look on Hammond's face was quite easy to decipher, and Jack looked like he'd been lead by his ear from the general's office. "Poor Jack," she thought. "Why didn't he just zat the guy a couple more times... I'd have been home with Cassandra by now!"

She sighed and began walking towards them, "General, Colonel... I take it you're here to see the senator?"

"How is he?" The general's expression changed from annoyed to concerned.

"Oh, he's fine. There"s nothing wrong with him... physically." she threw a fierce glance in the direction of her only patient. Then she smiled, "In fact, I was just about to release him."

"Thank you, Dr. Fraiser." Hammond nodded, his relief obvious. Then he turned to Jack; "Well, Colonel?"

Jack raised his hands, "I know" "Get groveling". Don't worry, I'll grovel, I'll beg, I'll even kiss and make up if that's what he wants."

The Doc raised her eyebrow again and Jack had another vision of Teal'c. "Sweet. If I didn't know better I'd say it was contagious."

He walked across the room, pulled up a chair, and sat down next to the senator, who was none too happy to see him...

"Senator."

"Colonel."

"Listen, it really WAS an accident! I had no idea you were entering through that door, and I really didn't mean for the zat to go off..."

The senator waved him off, "Of course you didn't. Don't worry about it. Accidents do happen, and according to the good doctor, I"ll be just fine."

The speech was followed by a broad smile that made Kinsey's dentures slip. With a smacking sound he sucked them back in place.

Jack just sat there staring at him, mouth still open. He slowly raised one eyebrow, Teal'c style. He felt a sudden urge to ask the senator who he was and what he'd done with Kinsey, but managed to close his mouth before the words came out. He cleared his throat.

"Are you sure about this, Sir?"

"Absolutely. Like I said, don't worry about it."

"Well, thank you, Sir." Jack couldn't have been more surprised if Sam had jumped up from the nearest bedpan, wearing something out of Anise's closet and doing the Snoopy-dance on the senator's bed.

"I suppose you need to rest. I'll leave you alone now... and again, I apologize..."

He got up, put the chair back where he found it and returned to where Hammond and Dr. Fraiser were waiting.

The general prompted him, "How did it go, Colonel?"

"Oh, I apologized, he accepted. No problem, General."

Hammond stared blankly at the colonel, before slowly raising one eyebrow.

"Oh my God. It IS spreading!" Jack thought.

"I better talk to the senator myself!" Hammond said and started walking towards the bed where Kinsey now had turned his back to them. They could hear a soft snoring sound.

"Um... He's resting, Sir."

The general turned to Janet. "Can you keep him here till morning? I'd really like to talk to him before he leaves."

"Yes, Sir. My shift was over two hours ago, but I'll let the night nurse know you want to see the patient before he's released."

"Thank you, Doctor."

Hammond turned around and left the infirmary. Jack followed two steps behind, still wondering about the personality change the senator seemed to have undergone since their last encounter. "Perhaps Janet slipped and screwed up his medication? Or maybe the zat could have affected the metal plate in his head?" He shook his head. At least he didn't end up with a one-way ticket to the universe's largest garbage dump...

 

---

 

Twenty minutes later Dr. Fraiser had left the night nurse in charge of the infirmary, and was on her way home.

The night nurse was in the linen closet, entertaining the new, cute lieutenant.

Jack was in his bunk, on top of the covers, fully dressed and sound asleep.

And, Senator Kinsey was in his hospital bed, very much awake, and reading a book by the light of his glowing eyes.

 

---

 

Part three

The next morning,

Daniel's office

 

"You must be kidding me!" Daniel laughed. "You zatted Senator Kinsey? Seriously?" He removed his glasses and dried tears of laughter from his eyes. "I don't believe you! If you really had zatted the senator you'd be on P4S-839 now, building your new home out of cardboard boxes and empty cans." his voice trailed off. "Oh my God! How many times did you hit him?"

"Just once! He's fine. And that's what I thought too..." Jack nodded. "Listen Daniel, something is wrong. Really wrong. I just can't put my finger on it."

"There is a problem?" Teal'c came through the door, grabbed the TV Guide from Daniel's desk and let himself fall into the dusty armchair next to the wooden table thingy that was a gift from one of the kids on Abydos.

"Oh no! That termite-ridden thing is still here? Half the base must be infested by those hungry critters by now." Jack rolled his eyes and sighed silently.

"Well?" Teal'c tried again.

"Well what?"

"Is there a problem?" Teal'c repeated.

Daniel explained; "Jack zatted senator Kinsey last night." Then he cracked up again.

Teal'c raised one eyebrow and stared at Jack.

"You fired a zat'nik'tel at the senator? How many times?"

"Just once. Why does everyone keep asking me that? And it was an accident!"

"Of course, O'Neill. You would never purposely have subjected the senator to such excruciating pain..."

In the background Daniel let out another loud burst of laughter.

Teal'c continued. "How did this accident happen, O'Neill""

"Carter and I were target practicing in the Gate room..." Daniel stopped laughing and he and Teal'c simultaneously raised their right eyebrows.

"Scary!" Jack thought. "I have to talk to Janet about this!"

"We were shooting at those dang grasshoppers the two of you brought back from EMT-911 last week, all right!?!"

"You use zat-guns for that?" Daniel asked unbelievingly.

"Saves us the trouble of sweeping them up afterwards..." Jack explained.

"Oh..."

"I see..."

"Anyway, I guess I got a little too excited, and when the doors suddenly opened and the senator walked in the zat-gun sort of just went off."

"Right."

"These things are known to happen, O'Neill."

Jack wanted to strangle them both and spent a few seconds considering his options. Knowing the chance of escape was too slim for comfort he decided to get his revenge at a later time.

"Seriously. I'm not kidding, guys! Something is terribly wrong here." He continued to explain what had happened in the infirmary.

Daniel finally quit laughing and sat down behind his desk.

"You're right, Jack. It's not like Kinsey to forgive someone for something like that. Especially not you."

Jack leaned against the wall and let himself slide down until he was sitting on his heels. He closed his eyes and let his head back against the wall. "I know." His eyes opened again and he looked at his friends. "At first I thought it was the shock, but we've never seen that happen before. And then I thought perhaps Dr. Fraiser had put him on some weird medication or something... and then I thought he might have been taken over by a Goa'uld, but Carter touched him in the Gate-room, and she didn't sense anything."

Teal'c offered dryly; "I stopped by the infirmary before coming here, and if that single patient in the back of the room is the senator, then Samantha Carter wouldn't have sensed it if he'd been taken over by Apophis himself." He explained; "That after-shave he is wearing kills all of ones senses. I could smell it in the hallway long before I reached the infirmary. And the door was closed."

Daniel, who had been removing his shoes and socks, dug in his desk drawer and finally came up with a nail clipper... "Where would the senator have encountered a Goa'uld?"

Jack and Teal'c watched in silence as Daniel placed one foot on his desk and turned his attention back to his toenails. Soon crescent-shaped nail clippings were flying through the air.

Jack swallowed. "Let's finish this conversation later," he said and got up. "I need some fresh air."

Teal'c beat him through the door by almost two seconds.

 

---

 

Part four

The SGC infirmary

 

When Dr. Janet Fraiser arrived at the infirmary later that morning the night nurse appeared to have gone AWOL. Luckily the only patient, the senator, was still asleep and seemed to be in good shape.

After checking the linen closet for sleeping beauties, Janet reported her nurse missing and turned on her computer. Soon she was lost in the fantasy world of "Fallout", her new computer game.

"Weird," she thought. "That mayor, Killian, reminds me of someone I know, I just can't place him... Oh well, it'll come to me."

At the same time SG-1 reported to general Hammond in his office, where they gathered around the conference table. Hammond had spent several sleepless hours wondering why Kinsey had let Jack off the hook so easily, and Jack had little trouble convincing him it would be a good idea to let Sam do a "Goa'uld-check" on the good senator.

"I highly doubt the senator could have been taken over by a Goa'uld, Colonel. As far as I know he has never been close enough to one for that to be possible."

"I know that, Sir. But since we can't be sure Mayborne never introduced him to one, I still think it would be the wise thing to do. Besides, I'm sure that man has been places and done stuff we don't even want to hear about." Jack suddenly had a vision of Kinsey as the President of the United States, addressing the people from a huge hanging screen, speaking with a Goa'uld voice... He shuddered. "Yeah, like THAT would ever happen! Doh!"

"Major Carter?" Hammond looked at Sam who had been unusually quiet. "I agree, Sir. With that amount of Old-Spice after-shave he was wearing when I checked his pulse yesterday I wouldn't have noticed if Apophis himself had moved to a new apartment."

"This is the case, General Hammond." Teal'c added.

The general nodded. "Well, it can't hurt to make sure. Let's go see Dr. Fraiser."

 

---

 

Dr. Fraiser had been playing for almost an hour when the senator woke up, got out of bed and went to the bathroom. She saved the game and switched the computer off. Seconds later SG-1 arrived accompanied by General Hammond.

Jack immediately noticed the empty bed and asked her where the senator was.

Janet frowned. "He's in the bathroom. He just woke up a few minutes ago." She nodded towards the door, and now they recognized the sound of the shower running in there.

"Teal'c..."

The Jaffa needed no further instructions. He walked across the room and took position just outside the bathroom door.

Jack looked at Janet, expecting her to raise one eyebrow, but she raised them both. "What's going on, Colonel?"

It was Hammond who answered. "I'm afraid we're not absolutely sure the senator is just the senator, doctor, so we're going to let Major Carter do a check on him. It's really just a precaution, since there really is no way we can think of that he could have come in contact with a Goa'uld."

"Unless of course he"s been one from the very beginning..." Daniel muttered to himself.

 

Five minutes later the shower was turned off, and another two minutes after that the senator exited the bathroom. He was drying his hair and did not watch his step. Suddenly he found himself sprawling on the floor after tripping over Teal'c"s staff-weapon.

"What on Earth is going on here?" He looked up and discovered Jack. "Oh, it's you... I should have known you'd try your best to have me end up on a stretcher - again."

"Are you hurt, Sir?" Janet was trying to help Kinsey stand up, but he brushed her off and completed the task alone. "I'm fine. So, General, what's going on?"

Hammond led the senator to his bed. "Oh, it's just a routine check. We want to make sure you haven't been infected by any microscopic aliens during your stay here."

Kinsey raised one eyebrow and just stared at Hammond as if he thought the general hade gone nuts. Reaching out for his toiletries he knocked the small bag over, and a silver ball, just a little smaller than a baseball fell out of it and rolled under the bed.

"What's that?" Kinsey asked.

"It's not yours?" Jack had already identified the ball and was now half way under the bed to get it. All one could see of him was his butt. Sam and Janet simultaneously raised their right eyebrows... "Mmmm... looks like the colonel has been working out."

He got hold of the ball, backed out and stood up. "Geez. What's wrong with the major and Doc? They look like they're" drooling!" He shook his head and turned his attention back to Kinsey.

"This, Senator..." he held the ball up "...is a Goa'uld cell phone, also known as a long range communication device. What I'd really like to know is why it came rolling out from your toilet-bag?"

The senator stared blankly at him. "I've never seen it before!"

General Hammond interrupted the staring contest. "Well Senator, I'm afraid you'll have to stay here on base until we get to the bottom of this." then he turned to Sam. "Major. I guess now is a good time to do your thing. Let's find out if the senator is clean."

The senator snorted. "I damn well should be. I just got out of the shower."

She walked up to them and raised one hand to put it on Kinsey's chest. Before she could get that far his eyes began to glow, he grabbed her around the neck, and the next second she found herself being used as a shield between the unknown Goa'uld and her friends who all seemed to have frozen in their positions.

Finally Hammond sounded the alarm and called for security.

 

---

 

Part five


 

Hammond, Doc. Fraiser and the three male members of SG-1 could only watch as the Goa'uld backed away from the bed, still holding Sam in front of him as a human shield.

When he had his back to the wall he picked up a scalpel that had been left on top of a defibrillator, and pressed the razor sharp blade against Sam's throat.

"Tau'ri." The Goa'uld spitted. "You think you are so smart. You are nothing but slaves! Kneel before your God!"

"For crying out loud!" Jack groaned. "How did I know he was gonna say that"

"They always say that." Daniel replied dryly. "So, who are you?"

"I am Macarena. Now, kneel before your God!!!"

The Earthlings exchanged puzzled glances, and Jack turned around and mimed to Daniel; "Macarena!?!", but Teal'c didn't even raise an eyebrow. "Macarena? I have never heard of a Goa'uld by that name."
"You will learn to fear it, shol'va! But, I did go by a different name. I changed it only because of a chant that I have heard many times. One that seems to have become stuck in my head."

Now Teal"c raised his eyebrow, but the other people in the room nodded in understanding.

 

Suddenly there was a lot of noise coming from the hall and forty-five soldiers came running into the infirmary, armed to their teeth. They took their positions and aimed their nice and shiny MP-90's at the Goa'uld and his hostage.

"Don't shoot!" Jack and Hammond shouted, and waved their hands in the air.

"Tau'ri, this is your last chance. I am not saying it again! Kneel before your God or suffer the consequences!"

Sam croaked; "Hey, I'll kneel. Just let go of my neck, will you."

Jack turned and faced his CO. "You know, General, there is one thing I have learned from our battles with the Goa'uld... When you have the chance to take them out, DO IT! Don't wait, don't try to small talk with them, and don't bother pumping them for information. Just kill them!"

Every head in the room turned to look at the colonel. Hammond raised one eyebrow. "May I remind you, Colonel, that this particular Goa'uld is using a member of your team as a shield and is ready to slit her throat..."

Jack shrugged. "Oh, that... Yes, I'm aware of that." He met Sam's eyes and now it was her turn to raise an eyebrow. "Damn you, Jack! You better not be thinking what I think you're thinking!" He gave her a glimpse of a smile, then he said, with no detectable sorrow in his voice; "I'm sorry, Carter!"

"Oh my God!" Sam closed her eyes. "I'm gonna kill you for this! ...Sir."

Suddenly Jack produced a zat-gun from one of his numerous pockets. He aimed it at the Goa'uld and it's hostage, and in the millisecond before he fired he could see Macarena raise one eyebrow in surprise. If he had turned around he would have seen all the other people in the room doing the same thing. He fired the zat-gun and Carter and Macarena fell to the floor. Teal'c quickly pulled Sam away from the Goa'uld as Jack zatted it a second time.

 

You could have heard a falling needle, when Hammond walked up to Jack. He cleared his throat. "Nice shooting, son. Now can you please tell me how I will explain this to the President?"

"I could zat him again..."

Hammond stared at him and Jack swallowed. "Um... I guess that's not an option."

They were suddenly interrupted when the bathroom door was opened from the inside. All the forty-five soldiers fell back in position and aimed their weapons at the door. The missing night-nurse cautiously stuck her head out and asked Doc. Fraiser in a thin voice. "Is it safe to come out now?"

 

---

 

The next day Jack and Sam were back in the Gate-room, trying to get rid of the remaining grasshoppers and all their new children... This time Jack had put a sign on the door. It read: Stay out! That's an order!

They had stunned, killed and disintegrated about half a zillion grasshoppers and could now almost identify the color, or lack of color, on the walls. Still there were enough insects in the air around them to make it difficult to see more than a few feet ahead. Sam was just getting ready to pay the colonel back for the brilliant way he had saved her. She pointed the zat-gun, took a deep breath and...

Suddenly the doors opened and a human figure appeared, only to get knocked to the floor, surrounded by blue sparks.

"Oh no, not again..."

"For crying out loud! Doesn't anyone read signs around here?"

Sam walked over to the man and bent down. He was lying on his stomach and she rolled him over to see his face. "It's lieutenant-colonel Samuels, Sir." She checked for a pulse. "And he's dead, Sir."

"WHAT?" Jack shouted. "No way! I only hit him once."

"Well, Sir... um... so did I..."

They looked at each other. Jack groaned. "I guess we'd better inform the general."

"Inform the general of what?" The door opened again, Hammond stepped through it, and almost stumbled on the dead body. He looked down and recognized the man. "Is he okay?"

Sam cleared her throat, "Eh... no, Sir. He's dead."

Hammond raised one eyebrow and looked from one to the other.

"Geez! I didn't know the general could do that." Sam thought.

Jack shrugged again, "Hey, don't look at us! We only zatted him once..."

"...Each." Sam finished.

Hammond closed his eyes. "I'm too old for this shit!"

He held his hand out. "May I have your weapon, major?"

Sam handed the zat-gun to the general. "Dang it! I should have known Samuels would be the end of our careers." She was completely unprepared for what happened next.

The general pointed the zat-gun at Samuels' lifeless body and fired.

 

---

 

In the control room Teal'c and Daniel exchanged glances.

"Now THAT'S what I call getting rid of the evidence."

"Indeed, Daniel Jackson. Indeed."

Before they left the room they made sure they had turned all the security cameras back on.

 

 

The end!

 

---

TITLE: "Friends help you move, real friends help you move bodies!"

AUTHOR: Faron

EMAIL: Faron@c2i.net

CATEGORY: Humor/Parody (sort of)

SPOILERS: None that I can think of...

SEASON / SEQUEL INFO: Season 4.

RATING: PG-13 I guess...

CONTENT WARNINGS: Minor character deaths.

SUMMARY: Jack happens to hit the wrong target while playing around with a zat-gun.

STATUS: Complete

ARCHIVE: Heliopolis, Faron's Bookcase. Anyone else, please ask!

DISCLAIMER: Stargate SG-1 and its characters belong to MGM/UA, Showtime/Viacom, Double Secret Productions and Gekko Film Corp. What isn't theirs is mine. This is a fan publication, made for entertainment purposes only. I make no money of this, and no copyright infringements are intended.

AUTHOR'S NOTES: Thanks to Renay and her sig. for the idea and the title. This is my first completed SG-1 fan-fic in English. Feedback will be greatly appreciated.

"I want to be your friend". Telefonscammeren ringte på nytt! (lydopptak)

Update 7. august:

Utrolig nok kom det enda to samtaler i dag... fra de samme to fyrene. Og begge vil være vennen min!

Hør de nye samtalene her

 

Edit 6. august:
Fyren har nå ringt opp igjen... for å bli min venn!
Fikk tatt opp slutten av samtalen... :p

Les den første samtalen her:

Herregud som jeg elsker disse oppringingene! :D
26 minutter denne gangen, med mye "I can't hear you, there's a lot of noise in the background." (det satt sikkert 30 stykker til i samme lokalet rundt ham...).

 

Fritt etter hukommelsen...

Han: "Hello ma'am, this is (fikkikketakinavnether). I am calling from Technical Department of Windows operating system about your computer."

Meg: "Yes, yes, about my Windows computer."

Han: "You have a Windows computer, ma'am?"

Meg: "Yes, Frederick, I have 8 Windows computers."

Han: "I am from Technical...blah blah.. and we are receiving error messages about your computers, ma'am."

Meg: "Yes, I gathered as much. Error messages you say... what do they say?"

Han: "Say?"

Meg: "What do the error messages say?"

Han: "It is error messages that your computer is infected."

Meg: "Infected?!? Infected by what?"

Han: "Your computer is in great danger, ma'am."

Meg: "Yes, so it would seem... So, what are the actual words in the error messages?"

Han: "Words, ma'am?"

Meg: "Yes, Robert, can you read me the error messages?"

Han: "It's error messages..."

Meg: "Ok. How do you know they are from my computer?"

Han: "They have your computer ID, ma'am."

Meg: "Do they now... Is that my MAC or my IP?"

Han: "The error messages have your CLSID, ma'am."

Meg: "Really? I didn't know I had one..."

Han: "Yes, ma'am, I will show you."

Meg: "Yesss! Bring it on, Thomas!"

Han: "..."

Meg: "..."

Han: "Please turn on your computer, ma'am."

Meg: "Which one?"

Han: "Your Windows computer."

Meg: "They're all Windows."

Han: "Any will do."

Meg: "Okay. The any-computer is on now."

Han: "Look at your keyboard. Is there a control-key on the lower left?"

Meg: "Sure, right next to the Windows key."

Han: "Press the Windows-key and hold, and at the same time press the R-key."

Meg: "Ok."

Han: "Then type c-m-d in the box and press enter."

*Jeg åpner vanligvis cmd uten å gå omveien via run*

Meg: "Yes, I have the command window open now, John."

Han: "What do you see in the window? Is it a black window?"

Meg: "Yes, Patrick, it's the command prompt-window."

Han: "Type in a-s-s-o-c in the window."

Meg: "You want me to look at my registry file-associatons?"

Han: "I will show you your CLSID, ma'am."

Meg: "Yes, I can see the CLSID, but you do realize that specific ID is not by any means unique to my computer?"

Jeg åpnet den ikke under samtalen, men under ser du et screenshot av hva jeg ville fått se...



Han: "Yes, ma'am. It's your CLSID."

Meg: "And this is how you know the error messages are coming from my computer?"

Han: "Yes, ma'am. I will show you the error messages."

Meg: "In Event Viewer, yes?"

Han: "Yes ma'am. Event viewer."

Meg: "Ok, I'm in event viewer, looking at the logs. There sure is a lot of warnings and errors here..."

Jeg åpnet den ikke under samtalen, men under ser du et screenshot av hva jeg ville fått se... At han ikke luktet lunta på dette tidspunktet er... vel...


NB! Dette er en helt vanlig logg i windows. Scammerne bruker den bare til å skremme deg med... fordi den alltid har masse warnings og errors.

Han: "Yes. Your computer is in great danger! I will hand you over to my executive."

*stillhet*

Gordon: "Hi. I am Gordon from Technical..."  (NB! Fant ut da han ringte igjen at jeg hadde hørt feil. Han heter Jerry Roger. Gadd ikke endre i teksten.)

Meg: "Hello, Gordon. So, what was it you wanted to tell me about my computer?"

Gordon: "Your computer has been infected."

Meg: "And you're telling me this based on my CLSID and the log from my Event Viewer?"

Gordon: "Yes."

Meg: "Tell me, are they really taking the hobbits to Isengard?"

Gordon: "..."

Meg: "..."

Gordon: "I will fix your computer for you."

Meg: "No, you won't... 'cause there is nothing wrong with it."

Gordon: "Your computer is infected. We are receiving error messages."

Meg: "No, my computer is not infected. You know how I know this? I have the best anti-virus system ever. It's called "brains". Have you heard of it?"

Gordon: "Yes."

Meg: "But you've never tried using it?"

Gordon: "..."

Meg: "Yeah, that's what I thought."

Gordon: "How old are you, ma'am?"

Meg: "I am 41, and unlike you I actually do work in tech support."

Gordon: "So, you are one sexy old lady?"

Meg: "First you try to scam me, and now you're coming on to me? How old are you, Gordon? 16?"

Gordon: "Hahaha. I'm not 16."

Meg: "You certainly sound 16."

Gordon: "I am 28 years old and I want to be your friend."

Meg: "I see... Where do you live, Gordon? Chittagong?"

Gordon: "I live in Dhaka."

Meg: "Oh, that's nice. I have friends in Dhaka."

Gordon: "You do?"

Meg: "But you're really from Chittagong, aren't you?"

Gordon: "No... I..."

*masse banglababbel veldig nær mikrofonen... klikk*

Samtalen kom fra 0015208889043, jeg husker ikke om det er samme nummeret som sist, og er for lat til å sjekke... :p

 

Les også:  "Hvordan få telefonscammeren til å legge på først"

 

25 creepiest places on Earth

 


hits